Let's stop allowing Society and Abusers to write and prescribe our healing scripts
Let's stop allowing Society and Abusers to write and prescribe our healing scripts. There's this thing that society and abusers push about having to be polite and explain, especially explaining and justifying your pain, and/or right to avoid or walking away from it. Then the double standard comes when a victim or survivor who remains is then negatively judged and quizzed as to why they stayed, or why they tried to remain peaceful, forgiving, or offering chances for improved behaviour. I have worked with victims of rape who have been asked if they screamed 'loud enough' to be heard, or asked if they said "No" to let the attacker know they did not want to be raped. Yet, I have listened as some have been scrutinised for inflicting harm on attackers, and questioned about reasonable force.
The double standards and contradictions of protecting ourselves from harm. Be it abusive language, disrespectful behaviour, disceiftul actions, or passive aggressive attacks to your mental, emotional or spiritual wellbeing, there's a double standard that we are responsible for protecting ourselves, but this must only be actioned by first explaining ourselves, and only accepted after being granted permission by others. Well let me tell you this... STOP ALLOWING ABUSERS TO DICTATE WHEN YOU CAN STEP AWAY OR HEAL. If someone is on the phone being cruel, disrespectful, or intentionally trying to inflict you harm, be it through lies, minimisation of your feelings or truth, or attempting to hurt you, YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO END THAT CALL WITHOUT EXPLANATION, PERMISSION OR APOLOGY. Yes, I said, hang up the phone. Anyone who expects you to remain on a call where you are being abused and harmed is not truly for your happiness, peace and wellbeing. If someone is neglecting, abusing or disrespecting you, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOICE YOUR CONCERNS, ASSERT YOUR BOUNDARIES AND DESIRED BEHAVIOUR / TREATMENT, AND WALK AWAY WITHOUT EXPLANATION, APOLOGY, OR PERMISSION IF THESE ARE NOT MET. Once we voice our boundaries and how we want to be treated, we then give the other person or people the choice to make a decision if they are able to meet this standard. It is not up to you to begin trying to persuade them, plead with them, or bend over backwards to accommodate them. Anyone that expects that from you does not respect your boundaries and right to feel safe, valued and at peace. Walk away. YOU, HAVE THE PERMISSION TO PROTECT YOURSELF MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY. Let's stop allowing Society and abusers to write and prescribe our healing scripts. Walk away when you want. End the call when you need to end it. Forgive or do not forgive if you want - just make sure you give yourself permission to heal. With that said, I am wishing you a blessed and productive day ahead; one that truly exceeds all expectations. From Novena-Chanel, The Equilibrium Coach® - The Goal Architect™ to Mind, Body, Spirit, Life Balance - www.theequilibriumcoach.com #counsellor #psychotherapist #lifecoach #nutritionaladvisor #reikipractioner #novenachanel #success #successmindset #positivity #selfcare #selflove #recharge #judgement #womanism #survivors #abuse #relationships